How to Win a Grammy
1. Cram as many producers and engineers on your album as possible, because they and their friends *are* the Grammy voters, and they love themselves. Make sure they outnumber the musicians on your album; in fact, even if they didn't work on your album credit them anyway.
2. Present yourself as "from the streets" and assume faux "just one of the homeys" pose, even if you look and sound ridiculous doing it, like when Christina Aguilera sings "beautifo" like she just got off a bus from the ghetto.
3. Take off your clothes. If you're a guy take off a woman's clothes, preferably someone famous but anonymous dancers in your overproduced formation dancing video will do.
4. Act flustered and dazed when your name is called, feign humility, act like you can't possibly remember all the names of everyone you want to thank (which is true because you probably never even met half of them), have yourself led offstage and call it a career.
